Talking to Your Child About Sexual Assault

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month and National Child Abuse Prevention Month.  It is important that we are informed about sexual assault as we can all take a role in preventing it.  This includes talking to and educating children.  As uncomfortable as it is to think about, sexual assault is not just an adult problem.  Children can also be abused.  It can be uncomfortable for parents to talk to their children about sex, but even more so about sexual abuse/assault.  Here are some suggestions for how to talk to your 

children about this important topic.
For Young Children

1. Teach the correct names of body parts.  Nicknames can be cute, but when a child needs to tell an adult about something with their body, it can be confusing if they are using names only used in your household.  Get comfortable with using the correct names of body parts and teach your kids that it is ok to use those names.
2. Teach that it is ok to say “no” to touch, even with family members.  Adults sometimes don’t want to be touched.  Children are no different.  There are many reasons for not wanting to be touched and we want to teach children that these reasons can be honored.  If your child says “no” to a touch (hugs, kisses, high fives, etc), honor their need to not be touched and do not push them to allow the touch when they don’t want to.
3. Teach that body parts are private.  Talk about which parts are private, meaning those are parts of our body that others shouldn’t touch or look at.  Talk about when it is ok for those body parts to be exposed (bath time, certain doctor’s examination – be sure to stay present during such an exam, etc).
4. Use this screening for caregivers https://rainn.org/articles/evaluating-caregivers.  There is no fail-proof protection for choosing another person to care for your child, but this tool can guide you in questions to ask and things to look for in choosing a reputable caregiver.
5. Talk about secrets.  It is not uncommon for a child who is a victim of abuse to be told to keep their secret.  Create and environment where your child can tell you things.  Let them know they can talk to you, even if they’ve been told to keep a secret. 
6. Teach your child that they won’t get in trouble.  Children often are afraid to tell because they are afraid they will get in trouble.  Offer a supportive tone and environment that is safe for them to talk.  Never punish a child who has disclosed sexual abuse to you.

For teens (all of the above, plus:)

1. Talk about current events.  Bring up a news story, social media post, or other relevant issue related to sexual abuse/assault.  Ask your child what their thoughts are.  Let them ask questions.  Be available to discuss and guide.  This is a great tool to help start a discussion and help your child understand what they should do if they or someone they know are ever in this situation.
2. Talk about sexual assault directly.  Teens know more that we often give them credit for.  Sometimes, this information is misguided or even incorrect.  Talk about what sexual assault is and what it isn’t.  Talk about what to do if they or someone they know is a victim of an assault.  Bring up statistics if appropriate.  Allow them to ask questions and use credible sources to give them answers.
3. Talk about phone and social media privacy and boundaries.  Teens use many different technologies to stay in touch with their friends.  Boundaries need to be discussed over the use of phones, apps, games, etc.  Let your teen know what apps are ok for them to use and which ones are not.  Let them know what is appropriate to share and what is not.  Just like any other tool we give children, they need to be taught how to use technology safely and responsibly.
4. Teach them what consent is.  Even if your teen is not sexually active now, they most likely will be one day.  Teach them that any sexual contact must have consent.  Teach them they do not have to grant consent and that it is ok to say no.

 
There are many resources available to help you learn more about sexual assault and talking to your child.  If you need help, feel free to send me an email or give a call.