How Do I Face an Abuser in Court?

I often get asked the question "How do I face my abuser in court?"  The reality of having left an abusive situation is that you may not be entirely done with being face to face with an abuser.  Whether dealing with a restraining 

order, finalizing a divorce, or battling for custody, you may find yourself in a potentially uncomfortable, and even difficult, situation.  It can be intimidating, 

overwhelming, and scary.  There are some things you can do to help improve your experience should you find yourself faced with seeing an abuser in court.  

1. Be sure to talk with your therapist as soon as you know you are going to have to go to court.  They can help you work through any feelings and may have additional suggestions/help for you.
2. Bring a safe, trusted person along with you, if possible.  Having someone who you know and trust with you can be comforting. Have them stay with you the entire time you are there.
3. Don't bring your children to court.  Unless they have to be there as a part of the court proceedings, it is best to make alternative care arrangements for kids and avoid bringing them into the situation. 
4. If you have an attorney or other representative, be sure to talk with them beforehand.  Knowing what to expect, what information/items you need to bring, and your role in the situation is extremely helpful to you.
5. Don't talk to your abuser.  Many times, abusers look for ways to talk to you.  It is almost never a good idea to engage in conversation.  
6. Get to the court location early if possible.  Know where the parking lot is.  Which room/area you will be in.  Get familiar with the layout so you feel prepared.
7. Let the abuser leave the area first if possible.  This is especially helpful if you are concerned about being followed.

There are many ways to make the experience less stressful.  Above all, remember to take good care of yourself.  It is difficult to face these experiences and feelings that may come up.  Be sure to work with your therapist and process through any feelings you may notice or experience. 

​- Amber -